I have not brought this issue to make laughs: This issue is something too important and susceptible that the day less thought, it can happen to any of us There are numerous forums on the Internet that address this issue without ever clearly answer the question (read many people making fun of this problem on Tumblr). That is why here, we are going to influence the issue.
It seemed to me therefore important as a man and as responsible for a website that has been researching over the Internet for more than four years, to make some precision on this subject. This guide is based on articles read on the Web compiled during these four years, on advice from psychologists, lived cases, and about my personal experience that of course does not commit you to anything, beyond reading this article.
1 / Does my wife cheat me? I accept it and I shut up!
This may seem like a phrase, read like that but I think it’s the attitude that must be adopted immediately once we know that our wife is cheating on us . We can often know this by means of a spyware for a mobile phone on a smartphone or tablet.
We can also get to know when we give each other face to face with a sexy photo or a bold message from our wife.
In any of these cases, the first attitude that we usually take is the following: ACCEPT IT AND CALL. What does this mean? For those who do not know this expression, here we have some meanings
- • First, calm down
- • Do not show your partner that you are aware of the situation
- • Do as if nothing happened
- • Reflect calmly on what steps to take next
This is a good attitude, but what to do next?
2 / Whenever possible: get out!
Do not worry. It does not have to be something definitive and does not mean that you have to leave your wife for good. No. It means that it is important to mark distances with your woman from the beginning so that things change making her understand that the situation will change: she must leave her lover if she wants to be with you again.
“Going out” also means that you are going to take a while to create a new strategy, the loving strategy is understood.
If your wife cheats you openly (or secretly), it will probably be because there is someone or something that has damaged your relationship. The reason does not matter. Your wife will try to blame you and in case she does not find reasons, she will stubbornly try to create some kind of conflict with you so that you fall into them. This way you can have reasons to justify your infidelity.
Therefore for her, you will be the cause of the relationship has deteriorated.
Once you have reflected well on the situation and you are sure of your infidelity, (when you return to the theme of the spy program on the smartphone, you will have already gathered all the audio, text or photo tests, that is, you will be convinced that really you have put the horns), from that moment you will have to STOP THE SITUATION in an abrupt way creating the situation of surprise but this time FROM YOUR PART.
Now you play with an advantage because you know that she cheats you but she still does not know that you know.
You can start taking control of the situation: that’s good.
I advise you to take advantage of a time when she has left: for example when you are at work. Take some belongings but not all. You will need a reason to see her again at another time (in the suitcase you can also put objects of remembrance that you have in common, in this way you will be obliged to see them sooner or later)
Before leaving the house, do not forget something important: leave a letter directed to it and place it in a visible place for you to see it.
3 / The revelation of the facts
This letter is very important, so you should not mess it up. Keep calm. This calmness is what will surprise her. As I have already mentioned in my article on female alienation, never be evil or vulgar. That would be your worst mistake. On the contrary, even if you feel great turmoil inside yourself, never show it. Women want men who know how to dominate and control the situation: otherwise she would consider it not worthwhile to care about you.
In the letter, expose your motives on a single page (it’s not worthwhile to write a novel):
- • That you have found out that he was cheating on you
- • That you have understood why: because she needs to live her own life and is not willing to create a lasting relationship with you.
- • That you are going to continue thinking that she is a wonderful woman but that you have decided to let her live her own life.
- • That you leave because you also want to live a great and exciting experience.
- • That you have no problem in seeing her again as a friend and continue being friends.
After reading your letter, your wife will begin to ask herself questions like What great thing has happened to you? Why are you so calm and not completely furious? Is she really an immature woman because she is not willing to have a stable relationship with you? That is, you turn the situation in your favor. That is still better.
4 / Heal yourself in health
Does my wife cheat me? Yes, I felt bad for the blow suffered. But I’m getting over it.
So strong is the word that you will need to repeat it many times to convince you. But you can also tell yourself that your wife is not the only woman on the face of the Earth and that your love for her is not the only passion you have. Mentalize because otherwise, you can not turn the situation in your favor. Convince yourself of this and do everything possible to achieve it.
Create new hobbies or take up the previous ones:
- • Practice sports, take dance courses, meet old friends
- • Make outings and escapades
- • Make new friends enjoy in company
These social relationships are also important for your wife: they will prevent her from monopolizing your attention and they will act as a barrier between her and your suffering. They will also serve as a point in your favor because women are men who have a social life and who are not alone depending on them. Does your wife think you only have her? You are wrong!
5 / My wife has cheated me but that will not happen again
That is the goal you should aspire to. In short: It’s been two or three weeks without you ever seeing her again. You have avoided having all contact with her and you have not answered her phone calls. They have questioned you and that has made you to be a true man again, as in the beginning. Someone who makes decisions and who has known how to take on the situation. Now your eyes are wide open. You know that your wife deceives you but you also know that she has done it because you had let down your guard, you were not the man you used to be and she fled because of your weakness.
But you will not be weak anymore. After the time, invite her to dinner and tell her that you have understood that you made a mistake but that you have changed and that situation will not happen again. Once she gives you her consent, kiss her and never talk about what happened. Reliving the past now would be a symptom of weakness. Build between the two a future on a new basis, with new projects and so the deception of your wife will only become a bad memory.
Now that you know your partner is cheating on you what should you do to overcome the pain?
Things you should do if your partner is unfaithful
Assuming that our partner deceived us is never an easy task to accept. It is clear that the vast majority of people, whose concept of a partner is that of monogamy, see “the horns” as a nightmare. It is logical, nobody likes to see the betrayal of the person in whom more confidence has been deposited. It does not matter if there were already suspicions or if we suddenly run into that infidelity, it is never easy to know how we should react to the deception.
It is true that there are certain factors that can hinder, even more, this traumatic event, such as the existence of children in common, but usually there are descendants or not, it is not easy for the deceived to control their reaction to a situation so painful
Look like a detective in search of incriminating clues, become obsessive, suffer from insomnia, anxiety or depression, act as if nothing happens and other attitudes characteristic of distrust. For the renowned psychotherapist Robert Weiss, these are some of the difficulties that any deceived must face in their grief.
Some people are able to overcome these difficulties alone, or with little help, but the most normal thing is that one is at a crossroads, full of unanswered questions, of which it is not easy to find a way out.
From his experience in therapies, Weiss indicates in Psychology Today a series of questions, by way of FAQ, that all deceived people usually do when they find themselves in this difficult situation.
Should I throw in the towel and separate?
Weiss indicates that it is not necessary at first. Before making a drastic decision it is necessary to reflect for a while on what we really want. This period should not be too short or too long, about six months, and should serve to think coldly after the initial shock. This period should not be seen as a limbo in which we do as if nothing had happened. There is nothing wrong with spending an era further away from each other, stop making plans together or seek help from a professional. You have to look for the best conditions to think calmly.
Who should I ask for help?
Everyone who has gone through a similar situation knows how difficult it is to choose who they are going to talk about and with whom they do not. The first advice, for Weiss, part of not airing it to the four winds, especially in the, so used, social networks. This visceral and vengeful behavior does not generate any benefit for us and can cause collateral damage in loved ones. The best decision is to have a prudent behavior and to open ourselves with those people with whom we have confidence and we know that they will help us without judging what happened. Sometimes this is not easy with people who appreciate us, so if we do not find a helping hand it may be convenient to go to therapy.
Is it normal to know everything happened?
The human being is curious, even more so if it is about something that affects him so directly. Wanting to know and understand why he was deceived by the person he loves, it is very usual to try to find out more if he intends to overcome an infidelity. This should not be seen only as a necessity, but as a right, because fitting the pieces of a puzzle is the best way to overcome such a traumatic event. In spite of this, the revelation of the truth must not become an internal struggle, but must be a calm, honest and sincere process.
Is sex the solution?
Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the main reasons why a person cheats on his or her partner. When this happens, the deceived can fall into the error of feeling guilty and seek to satisfy the infidel. It is clear that if there is a deception there is a problem, but the main culprit is not the deceived, since it is not the cause of the current situation. Therefore, one should never be guilty: “Maybe you can feel better for a few minutes, but this will not fix anything,” says Weiss convinced that the solution does not go through greater submission.
Can I put new limits on the relationship?
It is clear that when a deception occurs it totally changes the situation of the couple, so it is also logical that new codes of behavior are established. The first, and most important, is that there should be no more traps and lies. From this premise can be established new barriers that serve for a person to demonstrate that he is really involved in the relationship. Greater transparency, more rigidity in schedules and other limits. One of the keys in a relationship is respect and this breaks into a betrayal.
Will I trust my partner again?
This is possibly the most complicated question of all. There is no scheme that can categorize those betrayals that can be forgiven and those that can not. Authors such as Stephen Diamond believe that trust is the “glue” of a relationship, so it is impossible for it to work if it does not recover. For Diamond, the only way to do it is gradually and without concession to a single error. Weiss thinks similar, believes that it is a right that must be won again, it takes a while to be achieved and, possibly, it will never be as it was before. However, sometimes, infidelity serves as a lifeline to a relationship, even if it is hard to believe.
Not all couples have children in common, but everything is difficult if there are any. The most important thing is to take them away from the problem and know how to deal with them. We must avoid, at all costs, the comments with resentment, the biased opinions, the raised conversations and certain details that have no interest for the children. The best way to deal with this situation is to recognize the problem with them, talk about it, respond according to their age and remind them that it has nothing to do with them. Positive reinforcement is basic for any child.
4 bad reasons for divorce
1 / You no longer spend time together
It is the daily complaint of all couples who work and have children. These activities prevent finding intimate moments with your wife or husband. The distance separates you and suddenly disconnects you from each other. This is not an automatic sign of divorce, but the opposite. The life of a couple must be above everything. It is worth leaving the children “placed” some weekends with family or friends and become lovers again.
2 / He spends his time watching TV / with another occupation
If your husband wants to spend some time alone or watching TV, it does not mean that he is getting away from you and that therefore you should ask for a divorce. It is necessary to accept that your partner needs your moments of relaxation alone.
3 / There is not enough sex
If your wife only wants sex once a week, it does not necessarily mean that she no longer loves you or that you have to divorce her for it. She may be tired and sex may be the last of her worries. Sometimes you can find a solution. It is possible that you have more opportunities to spend intimate moments helping your wife in the daily tasks that divorce you with the risk of not knowing what you will have later.
4 / You get bored
Is it that someone systematically leaves a job because he gets bored? People get bored with things when nothing is done to increase their interest. Do you think there is nothing you can do to counteract boredom and change your relationship?
- 0.1 Screw My Wife as My wife cheats on me
- 0.2 My wife cheats on me: what do I do?
- 0.3 1 / Does my wife cheat me? I accept it and I shut up!
- 0.4 2 / Whenever possible: get out!
- 0.5 3 / The revelation of the facts
- 0.6 4 / Heal yourself in health
- 0.7 5 / My wife has cheated me but that will not happen again
- 1 Now that you know your partner is cheating on you what should you do to overcome the pain?
- 1.1 Things you should do if your partner is unfaithful
- 1.2 4 bad reasons for divorce